using language to persuade web audiences

April, 2000.
By Molly E. Holzschlag. (Link to original article.)

Words are the foundation of communication. Even on the increasingly visual Web, a developer's words can entice, engage, and persuade his or her site audience. As we strive to make our sites look and act sophisticated and efficient, we often forget that what we say and how we say it is as necessary to the success of our projects as the quality of our HTML, graphics, and programming techniques.

Designers must treat language as an integral part of a site's design. This means approaching each word on a page with the same intensity as you would your programming code and interface design. To do this takes some planning, creativity, and skill.

My constant mantra is "audience and intent." I'm a stickler for these elements because they're often the most overlooked or rushed-through aspects of a site's development. Knowledge of the audience shapes everything on a site, from visual design to behind-the-scenes functionality. The intent of a Web site—whether to sell, entertain, or inform—has equal influence on the way the site is designed and developed. And of course, neither of these issues can be addressed without proper planning of the site's short- and long-term goals.

Writing for the Web involves being aware of your audience and what you intend to communicate. These factors determine how the written content will be developed. We must know our audience intimately, understand our intent clearly, and be constantly aware of the way writing is integrated into our designs. Beyond that, we must also work on the technical components of Web writing—examining length of text, visual presentation, and editorial accuracy. All of these techniques combine to help us communicate effectively with our audience.

Writing for your audience

The audience first acts as your site's critic, determining whether to hang out for a while—or not. Then, if you succeed at striking up a friendship because of the common interests and fulfilled expectations, you may find that a stronger rapport develops. True success emerges when you step beyond friendship and into the realm of long-term intimacy. Your goal, after all, is to create a relationship with those in your audience.

The thing about audiences—especially on the Web, where worldly and discriminating individuals abound—is that they can detect the sincerity and appropriateness of your language.

or example, let's look at a short passage, written for an academically oriented poetry festival:

"A group of university professors interested in the cultural development of the local community have recently organized a poetry festival. The objective is simple: create an event to bring poetry to the public, enhancing the quality of cultural life within the community. Join us this Friday evening as selected poets from the university read from their original works."

The writing in this example may well appeal to the academic or mature members of the community. But what if the audience is young adults? The voice of the passage must shift to be more appropriate for them:

"Get poetic! Bring your rants n' raves to the Satin Tea Garden this Friday night and tell the world what's on your mind."

Try this exercise on your own:

1. Find a selection of content from one of your Web sites, or choose a random Web site and grab a paragraph.
2. Write the paragraph in a style suited for a mature audience.
3. Rewrite the selection again, this time in a style suited for a young audience.

After you get the hang of writing to different audiences, evaluate your own work in the context of your audience. Does the writing match up? Think of ways you could improve the writing to speak more effectively to the people with whom you're trying to communicate.

Express intent

Let's say you're designing a site for a local art cinema. Your first step is to determine who your audience is. You know that they're typically people who have an interest in independent films. This group is likely to be well-educated and in their 30s or older. Now, define your intent. Is it to entertain? To inform the audience of what's happening in the world of indie film making? First determine your primary intent and then position it to your audience—this creates a relationship with clearly defined goals.

Undeniably, you may have more than one intent with your Web site. Choosing a dominant intent lets you choose your words, language, and content arrangement accordingly. You're probably concerned with entertaining this specific audience, but your main goal is extending and deepening relationships with the people who come to your theater. This means writing about the theater itself, offering personal information upon which to build a relationship, and offering enticements useful to a local audience, such as coupons and special events. Any other written content will serve to enhance the relationship, but it should be seen as ancillary to the primary content.

How do you determine your site's intent? In this case, you'll want to refine the primary goal of the site down to one sentence. Look at the content the client has given you. Let's say your client sends you the following passage describing the cinema:

"The Lofty Theater has been in existence for the last 25 years, and we are proud to show fine independent films for the discriminating audience who enjoy only the best from their cinema experience. We have a beautifully restored theater located in the downtown historical district that is fully air conditioned for our customers' convenience, and we offer great snacks like pastries and cappuccino. We also have popcorn, candies, and sodas. We are fully wheelchair accessible and are happy to accommodate all people, regardless of their special needs, and we'll go the length for you, since your having a great film experience is our reason for being!!! If you visit on weekdays, you can get half off a regular ticket. We're right downtown, next to Gallery 451."

There's a lot of great information here. To find the real intent, you can create a list of the main ideas to see which one jumps out at you. Here's my list:

• The Lofty Theater is 25 years old.
• The theater shows independent films.
• It is in a restored, historical building.
• The theater is comfortable and accessible.
• The theater's reason for being is to ensure that audiences have a great film experience.
• The theater serves pastries and cappuccino.

Of all the items in this list, the statement that starts "The theater's reason for being" is the most telling of all. The theater's intent is to deliver a fantastic experience to audiences. That should be the site's intent, as well. The rest is important, but can best be used to support the main intent rather than to be the focus of the site. To achieve this clarity, ensure that the language throughout your site is directed at the specific goal. Reinforce the main ideas: to ensure that your customers see great films, enjoy time spent at the theater, and return again to partake of the theater's offerings.

Technical proficiency and style

If you examine the content in the two examples from the previous section, you'll see there are some basic problems with it. It's too long, the main idea is buried, and all the sentences in the paragraph are squished together.

Web writing must be concise. This means determining what is essential and what can be discarded or used elsewhere on the site. Remember, too, that the Web is built on hypertext, which involves dimension rather than linear structuring. If you have a primary concept with some ancillary materials, you can link to the ancillary rather than including everything on the same page. Trimming the fat from content to match the Web environment is an excellent approach. Just be certain that you don't cut too deeply and trim the essential communication. Moreover, text must be integrated into the design of the site, so it must balance well with the overall visual design and be seen as an integral part of that design (see Figure 1).

Figure 1. Combine text and design for an integrated look (www.weeklywire.com).

Not only must the writing be concise, but also the intent of the communication should be contained in the first sentence. This makes it very clear what you're expressing to your audience. In the original "Lofty Theater" passage, the intent is buried.

How words are formatted is very important, too. Keep things clean and break them up into small sections of precise communication. If you're working with longer sections of text, you'll want to ensure that text and white space are balanced in such a way as to make your page easy on the eye, which helps keep the reader engaged.

The following is my rewrite of the "Lofty Theater" piece, which puts the intent first, makes the writing more concise, and breaks up the communication into easy-to-digest tidbits:

"The Lofty Theater offers you the best in independent films. Located in the downtown historical district, the theater is a beautifully restored environment that is both esthetically pleasing and comfortable.

"It is our pleasure to offer pastries and cappuccino, as well as the more traditional film fare. We are air-conditioned and fully accessible. "You'll find us on Congress Street, next to Gallery 451. Visit on weekdays for discount admission!"

Much better, no? You can try this out yourself to refine the technique. Simply take a sample from one of your projects and find the main intent, bring it to the top, make the sample more concise, shorten your paragraphs, and break them up.

The importance of being literate

While audience and intent will get you very close to your goals, if you make any copy mistakes, the savvy audience member is going to see it. This happened to me recently as I was checking out the Mercedes-Benz Web site (see Figure 2) because I wanted to use a screen shot (rest assured, I'm not paid that well). What I found was a sophisticated visual design with appropriate language that fell flat on its face when I found an "it's" that should have been an "its." OK, so maybe this isn't a big deal to some, but it is to me. So much so that I had to pause for a moment and consider how a site that has successfully catered to its classy audience made such a powerfully unsophisticated mistake. Later on, I went back to the site and found that the problem had been corrected—but sadly, new problems exist.

Figure 2. Oddly, Mercedes uses the word "chapter" to define different areas on its site (www.mercedes-benz.com).

Within the site, the word "chapter" is being used to describe the way each car's information is organized. I had to stop again and consider whether the information was pulled right out of a master sales document. The word chapter on a Web site is confusing. "Section" or "area" would be more appropriate. So how can a developer avoid problems and misunderstandings that arise from poor spelling and grammar? The hint is that if you don't have anyone working with you who is very proficient at language, you'll want to hire a copy editor to go over your work and make recommendations.

No matter how content is developed, no matter how well the voice and intent are expressed, if a site is not edited well, the designer will have missed the mark.

Talking the talk, walking the walk

Applying the concepts of audience and intent to your content will definitely help you create lasting relationships with site visitors. Using simple techniques such as concise writing, integration into the overall design, and text formatting will strengthen the design as a whole. Follow these steps and you'll be well on your way to creating a long-term relationship with your audiences.